I always get giddy when I see a mugshot in my daily news feed because it means that someone did something REALLY dumb, and now we all get to gather to make fun of them! We’ve had everything from a naked DUI to a case of false identity to a guy with the munchies who goes crazy over a Taco Bell burrito… but our criminals this week may take the cake for stupidity… the real question is, who is dumber?

First of all, we have Harry Lee Gray, the dapper young gent to your left from (you’ve got to be kidding me) FLORIDA. He must have been having a crummy day when he decided to charge down a 67 year old woman who was riding her bike around a parking lot earlier this week. Here’s the kicker: it wasn’t just a friendly fifteen minute cat and mouse game, he actually chased her for THREE WHOLE DAYS. According to the police, the old guy, who isn’t wheelchair bound, became angry at the woman for some reason, and began charging at her in his wheelchair. When he was finally able to knock her down (after three days?!) he picked up the bike and slammed it to the ground, breaking off the front wheel.

When the police were finally called (let me reiterate, THREE DAYS LATER), Gray denied doing anything. Police say he seemed “very intoxicated,” but offered to pay for the damage done to the woman’s bike. He was charged with misdemeanor battery and criminal mischief.

Next up, we have a sad story about a mailman who probably suffers from severe IBS, and is now suffering from a severe occupational review. According to the video above, a mailman in Portland, Oregon was caught “delivering some packages” to one customer on his route, but they weren’t the Hooked on Phonics books from Amazon they were expecting. Based on the set of photos our poor victim snapped, the maildude popped a squat in his backyard, pulled down his pants, and dropped a wet one right in the guys begonias.

The USPS says they are taking the situation very seriously and have suspended the guy without pay. Further investigation into the matter is pending, but if you ask me, we should feel BAD for Mr. Mailman. I mean for god’s sake, the poor guy isn’t an idiot. For him to have the gall to drop a deuce right in the middle of his mail route, he must have had a bad case of diarrhea from a late night Taco Bell run or something.

In the case of the Rascal rascal and the Poopy Mailman, the question still remains – WHO IS DUMBER?