This is pretty much my favorite part of the week: BCU’s Dumb Criminal Off, where we take the funniest, most ridiculous crime stories of the past week and as YOU to decide who is dumber!

The Naked DUI

Let’s begin with 25-year-old Angela Ferranti, above, who was driving drunk in Florida (FLORIDA AGAIN?!) with her boyfriend who is currently on probation. When her boyfriend noticed that a cop was following them, he became paranoid, and (obviously, because this makes sense) grabbed and yanked the steering wheel, forcing her to crash her 97 Buick into the median. Her boyfriend explained he would go back to jail for drinking and they would have to run.

This next part is where it gets weird. Instead of bolting for the hills or staying in the car and accepting her fate (and ratting out her boyfriend who is OBVIOUSLY a tool), she took off all her clothes and hid, apparently attempting to “conceal her scent” from the cops. Luckily the cops had a drug dog who (unlike Angela) knew that the scent of alcohol stays on your skin and doesn’t just… um, leak? onto your clothes. They found her (although apparently not her scumbag boyfriend) and booked her on a DUI and fleeing the scene.

The tale of Juror No. 799

We all hate jury duty, but no one so much as this young Asian woman from Brooklyn, who tried to get out of Jury Duty by smearing her questionnaire with racist comments. For example, where it asked who she least admires, she answered “African-Americans, Hispanics, and Haitians,” because “”You always hear about them in the news doing something.” Uh, sure. She also went on to claim that cops were lazy and said she was a descendant of the Chinese Ghost Shadows, a gang convicted of murder in the 80s.

Her plan to get out of Jury Duty worked, sort of. Although she was dismissed from the jury for the day, the judge declared that “she’s coming back [today], Thursday and Friday – and until the future, when I am ready to dismiss her.” Basically she has been sentenced to ETERNAL JURY DUTY, which can basically be translated to DAMNATION IN HELL.

Looks like your little plan backfired, you crazy racist.

Happy 64th Year of Being a Creep

Lastly we have this hilarious story, about this old guy who decided to celebrate his 64th birthday by flashing a school bus full of middle schoolers his junk because he thought “it was funny.”

I don’t think that needs any further clarification.

So … who is the dumbest? Share your vote in the comments!