2011 began as year of the public brawl. It was a risky moment in fight-fashion (fightshon?) and for the first several weeks we were quite shocked by how many people were rocking the new fad. Unfortunately, public brawls began to flood the market. Every other day someone else was backhanding someone else on the subway or throwing chop sticks at each other at a Panda Express. I lost interest, or at least I thought I lost interest. Until today.

Turns out the magic of the public brawl can actually be revealed far after the fight is broken up. Take the above case, starring a lady who’s been dubbed the “Bk Brawler,” because it happened at a Burger King (obviously) in Florida (also obviously). Obviously. However, amongst the bathing suit clad punch throwing and napkin dispenser lobbing, we were all unaware that the Burger Queen of Brawls was being crowned.

According to reports at the Smoking Gun, the woman who was picked as the main instigator of the fast-food battle was arrested, and when she was asked her name, age, and home address. On beat, she answered Kimesa Smith, age 23, from 2627 Westgate Street in Montgomery, Alabama. A couple weeks later though, The Smoking Gun revealed that is not even REMOTELY close to being true.

Apparently, when she was interviewed by a Smoking Gun reporter last week, she game them an e-mail address with the name “nekivahardy” to send her a link to the article (everyone wants to read about themselves, DUH), and when they asked her why there was a name discrepancy, she said the name was her grandmother’s who recently died and she was just using it “as a tribute”. A Facebook search proved otherwise. In actuality, her name is Nekiva Vonte Hardy. She is 30 and lives with her children at 2627 Lark Drive in Montgomery. Her rap sheet includes arrests for cocaine possession, criminal mischief, and hindering prosecution.

Turns out “Kimesa Smith” is just the name of an acquaintance from high school. Kimesa Smith was shocked to hear the news, because she’s not been out of the state, because she just completed a two-year prison sentence for burglary and theft. Awesome. This story just keeps getting better.

The pretend “Smith,” or Hardy as we know her now, will now face additional charges on top of felony criminal mischief, two counts of misdemeanor battery, disorderly conduct, and resisting arrest.

Moral of the story: if you decide to go batsh*t crazy in a Florida Burger King over a Whopper Jr. that’s taking too long (seriously), and admit to the fact that “we tore the Burger King up” because “I don’t play no games,” you might as well go ahead and use your own name.