shock (n): Something that jars the mind or emotions as if with a violent unexpected blow.

In a sentence: It was a total shock to me when I read that Charlie Sheen AKA The Warlock AKA The Masheen AKA psychotic child star turned freak show tabloid fodder had been dumped by his second and final “goddess,” 25-year-old Natalie Kenly.

According to Popeater, Natalie dumped Charlie after a six month relationship, part of which she spent sharing him with anal porn star Bree Olson. Olson, if you’ll recall, dumped Charlie via text message, possibly because she was terrified of telling a 45-year-old drug addict to his face that she was leaving him. As for the most recent split, Charlie is obviously not very pleased by the news, as he made Kenly return the Mercedes he had purchased for her. Furthermore, he was quoted saying that the split was “not a common thing for the Masheen” (and yes, he’s still referring to himself in the third person).

Here’s to hoping that this split will SHOCK Charlie into cleaning up his act and getting some help. Or maybe he’ll just find another porn star 20 years younger than him to date. Probably that.