Oh god. OH GOD NO. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GO ABOUT MY DAY NORMALLY WITH THIS INFORMATION? IT’S LIKE IF A SCHOOL COUNSELOR CAME IN DURING STORY TIME IN KINDERGARTEN AND SAID “YOUR MOM’S DEAD, BUT FINISH THAT MACARONI PICTURE.” I am shattered. TORN, even. Heartbroken. And now I’m supposed to write for the […]
BIG BAD WOLF duck sauce from caviar on Vimeo. Uhhhhhhhhhhh…?
San Diego, I have learned, has the highest number of DUIs per capita of any city in the ENTIRE UNITED STATES. I blame this on several factors: a horrific lack of public transportation, lack of alcohol education in high school, and urban sprawl so widespread that cab fares are nearly unfathomable as a young adult […]
According to blogger Jill Flipovic, a strange and unsavory incident occurred on her last jaunt through security at the airport. No, she wasn’t felt up or forced to strip down, but her belongings basically were… and when a TSA agent came across her “Silver Bullet,” a vibrator from Babeland sex toy company, they seemed to […]
Remember MadLibs? The awesome game where you made up hilariously nonsensical stories by inserting random (usually poop-related) words into otherwise normal stories to make them totally ABSURD? That’s how I feel about this next crime story, featuring a couple arguing over freezer space. According to the Smoking Gun, Edna Verdin became F***ING FURIOUS on Sunday […]
Remember yesterday when I destroyed all the dudes’ lives by posting THIS STORY WHICH YOU SHOULD NOT CLICK ON IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY? Well, today we get one for the ladies, out of Northern California, where a woman and her boyfriend experienced a woman’s worst nightmare. According to April Bonjour (which has to be a […]
I am warning you – if you own a penis and want to keep your testicles on the outside of your body, YOU SHOULD NOT READ THIS. If you chose to read this, they will likely retract into your body like scared turtles. According to the Smoking Gun and the Wichita, KS police department, a […]
No, I didn’t title this post wrong. I know, you probably thought I meant “psychopathic baby eater and terrorist to get 121 years in prison”. I also didn’t mean “billionaire corporate fat cat that allows sweat shop workers to get 121 years in prison,” although that would make more sense. I meant: celeb phone […]
Facebook has become the central hub of many peoples’ lives. Specifically my family that lives in the South. Boy do they love their Farmville and Pirate Wars and Mafia bullsh*t. And with the new Facebook feed, I can practically watch them waste their hours away commenting on photos and liking their own Nickleback-lyric status updates. […]
Ah yes, the sweet sweet return of Dumb Criminal posts, how I have longed for thee. Nothing… not Chris Brown being called gay, not cow nipple couture, not even Marion Barber eating the turf makes me as happy as a short and sweet idiot criminal alert. And today’s is a doozy. Kraig Stockard was shocked […]
