People have long mistaken the amino acid Tryptophan as the product in our Thanksgiving turkey dinners that turns us into football watching coma-zombies. However, despite the longstanding myth, the fact of the matter is turkey has less tryptophan in it, percentage wise, than even cheddar cheese. The real thing that makes us sleepy after our early Thanksgiving gorge-fests is the high carbohydrate content of everything we consume that increases the level of the amino acid in the brain, synthesizes serotonin, and evokes that familiar happy, sleepy feeling and simulateously make the couch look like a fluffy, comfy cloud full of cotton balls and kittens.

Scientists have known this for a while now, but what they are just learning is that the particular strain of tryptophan found in turkey actually has a different effect: it makes you extremely horny! According to scientists at our very own BCU chemistry department, the feelings of post-dinner carb overload can be fought, the reaction is much like that of Ambien sex (so they say, I don’t know, never taken that ever so I wouldn’t know, okay): strange, hallucinogenic, and totally AWESOME.

Our findings have shown that the lack of reporting in this field of Thanksgiving sexology is due to the unavoidable truth that people feel bloated and disgusting after eating their weight in animal flesh. So, our brilliant physicists figured out a way to change the genetic code of tryptophan to instead make it a surefire formula to get some Thanksgiving booty.

The code in black is the original structure of tryptophan after it begins finding its way through your blood stream to your brain. However, by acting quickly and adding Rb₂ (2 cans of Red Bull) and D2F (someone who is down to, well, you know), you can transform the molecular structure of tryptophan into the little known hydro-booty-phenol-sex, which creates the strongest surge in libido that you’ve ever felt. Instead of spending the remainder of Thursday as a Jabba the Hutt comparable blob in front of the TV, you can instead enjoy hours of booty, all while working off those calories!

Of course, our theory is just that – a theory. However, with enough consensus amongst the Thanksgiving Sex field (that’s all of you out there), we believe we can turn this theory into a law. BCU’s First Law of Spanksgiving, if you will.

Have a great Holiday weekend everyone, and get experimenting!