There is some creeper loose in Virginia who has been dubbed The Booty Slasher, for his apparent obsession with wandering around slashing women’s butts with a box cutter or razor. He was last spotted at a Fairfax Forever 21 store, which is really scary to me because that is the only store I shop at and if some dude walked up behind me and hacked at my ass cheek with a box cutter I would probably lose my DAMN MIND.

According to witnesses, the man is a heavy-set Latino man in his late 20s, and uses distractions like knocking over clothes racks before slashing women across the buttocks. The most recent attack was his fifth slashing, and all his victims have been in their late teens or early 20s.

To you, creepy “Booty Slasher,” I say, you better watch your step. We women treasure our badonks and it’s only a matter of time before some lady responds by slashing your neck. Slowly. With her acrylic fingernails.

Story via the New York Daily News