BCU is a glass-half-full type of group. We like to think positive and have fun and enjoy the little things. However, sometimes life just sucks balls and nothing seems to go your way, and you just wanna talk about the bad things in life. So on this mind-numbingly hot Tuesday in August, we bring you the Bad News of the Week.

Heidi Montag Reportedly Has a Lesbian Sex Tape with Karissa Shannon

Why would we consider this bad news, you wonder? Because as hot as it might be to see a Playboy model have illicit lesbian sex with a walking knock-off Barbie doll, the chance that we’ll get pornobombed by Spencer Pratt and his disgusting lint-trap of a beard make it so we will NEVER be able to watch it. The tension is killing us.

We Missed National Topless Day

Apparently this annual event was put together by some guy who is like, a leader of a cult that believes that life on earth is a result of a “failed extraterrestrial experiment,” but we still think he has some pretty great ideas. And we’re PISSED cause it was on Saturday and no one told us. RUDE.

China is in the Midst of a TEN-DAY Traffic Jam

There is a 62 mile, 10 day traffic jam going on in Beijing. I don’t — I just… I mean, what? And it’s expected to last into September? I can’t — and… HOW? How is this possible? At what point do you just get out of your car and yell “F—IT!” and walk home? And where are these people pooping? I suppose you could say that a traffic jam across the ocean on another continent might not affect us in California, but my question is: how long until the LA commute from Pasadena to Hollywood starts spanning days instead of hours?

Breakfast is Ruined

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but approximately 380 million eggs have been recalled for possible salmonella contamination. Due to my incredible phobias of food-bourne illnesses and vomiting, I have had to completely nix the eggs from my delicious breakfasts, and replaced them with those stupid Egg Beater things that have a striking texture-similarity to a Rottweiler’s appendix (or so I’ve heard). AND THEN, we just learned that bacon prices have increased 200% since last year. Unfortunately, bacon, along with cheese, Cheetos, and macaroni and cheese, is a part of my personal food pyramid, and no price is going to stop me from frying up 8 to 10 slices of the stuff every morning. I guess it’s time to make some sacrifices. People can live without electricity, right?