As a blog that thrives mostly on celebrity sex tapes and calling peoples’ outfits “uggo,” you might be surprised when I say that I think tabloid magazines should be shut down forever and ever and every last one should be incinerated on Mars. But it’s true – while celebrity’s dumb moves (like say, wearing uggo outfits or leaking their own sex tape) are funny and should be ridiculed, I don’t think it’s fair to allow people to sell their BS stories about celebs for inSANE amounts of money.

Take, for example, this story, about a 22-year-old ho-bag woman who supposedly met Ashton Kutcher while skanking around partying in Vegas. According to Sarah Leal’s story, which she allegedly sold to US Weekly for $250,000, the two had sex on the morning of he and his wife, Demi Moore’s sixth wedding anniversary. From the article:

“He just came up and kissed me,” the Texas native tells Us of Kutcher’s first bold move in the wee hours; minutes later, Leal, Kutcher and another young woman were completely nude and in a hot tub on the balcony. When Kutcher claimed that he was “separated” from wife Moore, 48, Leal tells Us she believed him.

After retreating to Kutcher’s bedroom past 6 a.m., “he lost his towel and I took my robe off,” Leal says. “Then we had sex.”

“He was good,” Leal reveals. “It wasn’t weird or perverted.” It also wasn’t 100 percent safe, either: Leal tells Us that Kutcher did not wear a condom during their one-on-one encounter.

Leal also sold her incriminating tale to The Sun, where she went into a few more details, saying,

‘We had sex twice. Everything felt natural. We were having a good time. One thing led to another. He was good but it wasn’t weird or perverted or creepy. I was attracted to him and he was attracted to me. He had great endurance. We were up for a while. It was about two hours.

The last thing I remember him saying was he did a good job. We woke up and I was wearing a robe. He opened it up and I was like, ‘What are you doing?’ He was like, ‘Just checking. OK, I did good! You’re really pretty.’

Aw man, sounds like a fairy tale story, doesn’t it? Boy meets girl, girl gets naked in hot tub, boy lies about being married, they have unprotected sex and then she sells her story to a magazine with the substance and integrity of a tortilla.

BCU supports casual, fun (even VEGAS) sex, but we don’t approve of this story. Why?

1. Ashton Kutcher was married. Why did you marry a woman 400 years your senior if you were still attracted to the young flesh?
2. They didn’t use a rubber. Ashton, YOU MET HER IN VEGAS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
3. She sold her story to a tabloid. If you’re gonna have a fling with a celeb in Vegas, this is the time to adhere to the adage, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas you big mouthed, fame-hungry cum gutter!”