Andy Dick, at birth, was graced with the world’s most appropriate name. It’s like if I were born with the last name “Extra-Sharp Cheddar” or something. His last name encompasses his personality, the thing he most uses to make decisions, and the shape of his head. And every time you think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, he finally shriveled up under the weight of his own STDs, he shows up again, somehow outdoing his dick-ishness.

Take this weekend, for example, at the Adult Entertainment Expo (see this year’s first edition of things you don’t need) and Adult Video News awards. I generally assume a porn star party in the middle of Sin City is probably a no-rules rager chock full of orgies and snorting cocaine out of stripper’s sex parts, but apparently even THEY have class standards. According to the New York Post, Mr. Dick showed up backstage at the awards and severely harassed porn star Tera Patrick as well as famous drag queen Chi Chi LaRue. The article claims he was so drunk and disorderly, spilling beer all over the adult stars and making them feel so uncomfortable that two burly security guards had to escort him from the building.

In conclusion, Andy Dick is so vulgar, unruly, and obnoxious that he was kicked out of room full of people who make money off getting semen sprayed all over their faces.

I think it’s time to call it a night, Andy.