Hopefully, (we’re assuming) there’s no one in your arsenal of booty calls that expects a Valentine’s Day gift. Hopefully they all know that Valentine’s Day is a huge scam perpetuated by corporations in order to guilt you into buying gifts you can’t afford for people you see all the time. It’s like at some point in the 19th century someone was like “it’s early in the year and it’s Winter and all the businesses are struggling, how can we jam in a holiday that people will be FORCED to spend money on? BY GEORGE, I’VE GOT IT – we’ll say it’s about LOVE!”

Over the past century, though, we’d like to think people are realizing the scummy truth behind Valentine’s Day and beginning to see that they should celebrate love for each other all the time – and that material goods are not necessary to show affection for others (except for Christmas and their birthday, I guess).

But if for some reason there is someone you feel should get a Valentine’s Day card, we suggest the one below. Maybe attach it to a bottle of wine or something.

It’s too late to buy it at this Etsy shop, but I’m sure you could copy the text on a card and give them credit, right?

Oh, and if you want something a little vintage – how about this OBC Valentine’s Day e-card from 2010? It IS pretty timeless after all.