HOW DID THIS STORY GET PAST ME? A VIRGIN, AMATEUR PORN, AND SPERM DONATION ALL IN ONE STORY? WHY DIDN’T YOU GUYS TELL ME ABOUT THIS?

According to Gawker, a 36-year-old guy is making waves in the media for his erm, “unconventional” assistance to fertility-challenged couples. Trent Arsenault has been running an unregulated sperm donation center from his home – offering couples his reproductive matter for less than a costly trip to a sperm bank. Although his “clients” are fine with his methods, it seems the FDA does not approve of his DIY sperm bank and are on a mission to shut him down, especially since it was uncovered that each of his “donations” were filmed and uploaded to amateur porn sites. That’s right – you can find videos of him jerking it into a cup (occasionally with assistance from a BAG OF FROZEN BLUEBERRIES I AM NOT JOKING) on various XTube accounts.

Oh wait, it gets better – Arsenault apparently appeared on Anderson Cooper’s daytime talk show yesterday to admit that he is ALSO A VIRGIN. A 36-year-old virgin, amateur porn star, and father of 14? Could this story be any more perfect? I think not.