OH YOU GUYS! Football! It IS still happening this year! HOORAYYYY! I had heard that there wasn’t going to be a season due to some, er… “budget disputes” (aka pointless arguments between a bunch of people who already make way too much money), but apparently everyone is going to angrily accept their 40 million dollars and play this season. Which is good because if there was no football, I’m pretty sure the collective American male rage would cause the Earth to implode.

Needless to say, we’re bringing back the draft from 2010, which we borrowed from the now defunct Asylum.com, so that you and your buddies can celebrate the fact that a bunch of dudes get to be paid 20 times teachers’ salaries to play a game of catch. JUST KIDDING, FOOTBALL IS GOD.

The rules, according to Asylum.com:

Drink once:

1. each time Mel Kiper Jr. says one of his trademark phrases: “value pick,” “need pick,” “best available” and “that’s a reach.”
2. every time Kiper’s hair is referenced by another ESPN analyst.
3. every time an ESPN personality compliments a player’s suit.
4. each time one of the following is mentioned: Ryan Leaf, JaMarcus Russell, Matt Millen, Akili Smith, Ki-Jana Carter, Brian Bosworth, Tim Couch.
5. each time an analyst uses one of the following buzzwords or phrases to describe a player: “he’s raw”,”intangibles”,”body control”,”physical tackler”,”battle-tested”,”proven winner”,”arm length”,”gets stuck on blocks”,”release point”,”game speed”, or “low center of gravity”
6. every time Kiper and Todd McShay interrupt one another (this could get dangerous).

Bonus: Your whole group drinks for the number of seconds corresponding to each pick of the draft (e.g., drink 15 seconds for the 15th pick).

Read the rest of the rules at Asylum.com, and prepare your livers for the draft which starts at 8pm tonight on ESPN.