It is with bittersweet tears that I announce that this may be the last post about dumb criminals that you will ever see on BCU this year. Despite my post earlier this week with the lovely and talented wheelchair hunter versus the mailman who ate too much Taco Bell, we have a latecomer to the game who I believe has wiped out the competition for good. His name is Anthony Garcia, and his level of stupidity is so far off the charts that one would have to make a second chart just to measure how far off the previous chart he actually fell.

According to The Los Angeles Times, police in LA had given up hope on a case from 2004 wherein a young man was killed outside a Pico liquor store. They had no leads and had all but closed the case when a detective came across a mugshot of a man who was pulled over in 2008 for driving on a suspended license. The arrestee stared at the camera, no shirt on, with the tattoo “Rivera Kills” on his chest, an homage to the Rivera-13 gang.

The detective must have been trying to make out the D-grade scrawl below those words like I was, because it was only then that he realized that it was a complete illustration of the unsolved murder from 2004. Everything from the liquor store, to the Christmas lights present that night, to a helicopter shooting bullets at the victim, to THE EXACT WAY THE BODY FELL was detailed on the guy’s chest.

The detective then launched an investigation that lead to a confession that would finally convict Anthony Garcia as murderer in the first-degree of John Juarez.

It’s a sad, serious case, because a young man was murdered far too early, but it is also a win for social Darwinism. Let’s all just cross our fingers and pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that this kid didn’t reproduce because he is officially THE DUMBEST CRIMINAL EVER.