We’re back this lovely Monday morning to bring your our favorite part of the week… going through our databases to find out how all you nutjobs got here in the first place. Yep, in case you didn’t know, if you got here by searching something on Google or Yahoo or AltaVista or whatever, we know exactly what you searched to wind up on this page. Everyone sit down, get comfy, grab some popcorn, and let’s talk about the most WTF BCU Search Terms of the Week!

1. “can i call u porn”

This could be one of two options. First, it could be someone asking if its alright to call someone “porn.” Like, can I call up my lady friend and be like “Hey, Porn, wanna come over and hook up?” although that really doesn’t make much sense at all. Second, it could be someone asking its its possible to call the porn site YouPorn, perhaps for a customer complaint. “Excuse me, sirs, but I watched a free clip of a woman getting bukkaked in the middle of a backyard but it was QUITE CLEARLY A FRONT YARD AND I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION.”

2. “semem chocolate”

This is one of my favorite parts of BCU search terms is the blatant misspelling of, well, just about everything. Take for example, this fancy way to spell “semen.” Also it’s funny to realize someone was looking up semen chocolate in the first place… what could they mean? Chocolate condoms? Foods that make your semen taste like chocolate? Chocolate bars that have semen in them? I DON’T KNOW! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!

3. “married to a bitch”

This is one that I’m glad would point to BCU, since we talk at least once a week about reasons that people shouldn’t get married, for example this, this, this and this. Hopefully someone was trying to decide whether or not they should get “married to a b****” and all of our examples helped them make the right decision. WE’RE HERE FOR YOU, BUDDY!

4. “lsd halloween”

I don’t know what this means but it sounds pretty f***ing terrifying.

5. “ugh barf”

This is how I know I’ve been managing this blog for too long. For a sex, dating, and pop culture blog, there is no real reason for one of the top search terms to be “ugh barf” except that I am writing it.

6. “sleep creep”

I imagine this was an attempt to find our post about “sexomnia,” the sleep disorder in which people initiate sex while completely asleep. However, using that terminology turns it from a hot porn idea into a creepy PSA about guys who try to bone girls who are unconscious, which we DO NOT approve of.

So, weirdos, it’s good to know all the screwed up things you guys are typing into search engines to find us. I’d like to tell you to bring it down a notch and stop looking for semen chocolate, but to be honest it’s one of the most entertaining parts of our days, so keep it up. Happy HUMP DAY, CREEPS!