If you’re like everyone at the BCU offices, your bracket was busted LONG ago. You might have stopped caring about the entire sport once your home town team got ousted (DAMN YOU, UCONNNNNNN!). However, with this being the last weekend of the only month with “Madness” in its name, you owe it to Saint Patrick himself to toss this month out with a bang. Here are BCUs top 3 Weekend Must Dos: March Madness Edition.

1. PLAY the “Predict Who Will Make the Elite Eight Based on the Hotness of Each Team’s Respective Cheerleading Team” GAME

It’s a game I made up and it’s good for those of us who a) don’t understand basketball, b) are bitter about how March Madness has turned out, or c) are superficial, womanizing a**holes. Here’s how you play. Go HERE to Coed Magazine’s list of the cheerleaders of the Sweet Sixteen. Find the teams that will be playing this weekend: North Carolina vs. Marquette, Kansas vs. Richmond, Ohio State vs. Kentucky, and Florida State vs. VCU. Within you and your group of friends, scour the pages and pages of gorgeous mini-skirt clad women and decide who is the hottest. Write your choices down. Place bets (a dollar a game if you’re a p****, $5 a game if you want to win some real money). Whoever correctly predicts the most games wins the pot, and is thus deemed a huge creep.

2. Plan the Greatest April Fool’s Prank of All Time (Or just a tried-and-true one)

As a child, my dad used to revel in April Fool’s Pranks. “Severed Finger in a Box,” “Tarantula in a 5-year-old’s bed” and “Your Dog Is Dead” took top honors throughout the years, although I’m sure there are more that I have blocked out of my memory for psychiatric health reasons. As we get older, though, people begin to forget the brilliant sense of joy you can get from pulling off an elaborate April Fool’s Prank. Whether you go evil (buying a fake lottery scratcher), gross (filling a box of donut holes with flour covered frozen meatballs), or slapstick (silly-stringing ambush of one targeted co-worker), you’ll have a great week just looking forward to the laughs that will ensue come Friday.

3. Get your workout & diet on

Guess what, dummies, it’s almost Spring Break. In fact, next week is Spring Break for many schools in California. However, if you’re not in college those dates mean nothing to you except the painful reminder that summer is nearing and you should probably start trying to shed those excess 5 10 75 pounds you put on over the winter. The best method we’ve found to quickly drop weight and get ripped without torturing yourself with hunger? A low-carb diet and high-weight, low-repetition weight lifting, with a dash of high-intensity interval training cardio. I’m no nutritionist or doctor or fitness expert but I can tell you that if adopted correctly this is the best way to lose weight and gain muscle, especially if you also count your caloric intake. Luckily, with it being the end of March, you have just enough time (about 8 weeks) to get solidly ripped before June and the onset of the less-clothed months. However, whatever you do, don’t suddenly quit halfway through because putting weight back on after a low-carb diet looks like in Prisoner of Azkaban when  Harry Potter blows up his Aunt Mar– I mean. Never mind. Not a nerd. REMEMBER THAT. I AM NOT A NERD.