Well now, if this isn’t the universe’s most obvious, blatant, in-your-face warning to not marry a woman, I could not possibly guess what is.

According to the Metro, Chidi Ogbuta, of Dallas Texas, decided that for the renewing of their vows with her husband, she wanted a giant, lifesize cake modeled after herself. And guess what, she got it.

‘Growing up, I always wanted a doll made in my likeness,’ said Mrs Ogbuta, a mother of four. I told Innocent [her husband] I wanted a life-size cake made in my resemblance as I would look on my wedding day.

I searched for months to find someone who’d make my dream come true. Originally the plan was for two cakes – one of me and one of Innocent. Unfortunately, it took five weeks to make and we ran out of time

Very normal, right? Very not crazy at all?

The cake turned out five feet tall and took 200 eggs and 7.5 liters of amaretto. It weighed 400 pounds. It took four men just to carry it into the building.

Look at that picture. Look at her face, and then to his. Perhaps that is a photo of a husband and wife and parents of four who are deeply in love with each other after ten years, and to commemorate said love, they decided to have commissioned a likeness of their union in the form of butter and cream, but unfortunately there was just not enough time to create the cake of their dreams. BUT…

If you ask me, she looks like a terrifying beast woman who probably would have castrated her husband had he said no to her TOTALLY RIDICULOUS request. And look at him over there in the background. For God’s sake his name is INNOCENT. I bet if pictures could move you would see his poor little hand shaking, holding that knife, wishing that by some freak accident it would slip and plunge into her heart. Or his, for that matter, whatever it takes to get out of this torturous marriage.

Reason #34,812 not to get married: your wife might demand a 5 foot tall, 400 pound replica of herself for the cake. YIIIIKES.