Have you ever noticed how “research groups” are always coming out with new “studies” that show exactly what their intended audience wants to hear? Like “going out and getting drunk might actually make you live longer!” or “cookies make you better in bed!” We’re pretty sure that usually those studies are secretly backed by the companies that would benefit from it (booze and cookie companies) and are skewing the statistics at least a little bit to fit their motives. It’s really a shame because people are taking these studies as truth and are probably living on vodka and Oreos and are slowly killing themselves.

In the case of the next study (which conveniently came out yesterday ON MARDI GRAS), I don’t know who backed it, but they’re about to get a lot of guys slapped:

“Staring at Breasts Makes You Healthy.” Oh yeah, I’m SURE IT DOES, Creepy German Dudes Incorporated in association with My Pervy Bank Teller and Company.