Reason #54823 not to get marr- OH GOD COME ON YOU GUYS DO WE HAVE TO KEEP DOING THIS.

I know, I know. There will always be people who genuinely believe in marriage. They see it as the physical representation of two souls joining together, becoming one with the intention of spending the rest of their lives together. The wedding ring, the marriage vows, the signed and sealed pre-nuptial agreement: these are all traditional, family-oriented customs which some people still abide by, centuries later, despite our article about how history has proved marriage unnecessary and impractical.

But can we at LEAST all agree, at LEAST, that while maybe the practice of marriage itself didn’t drive itself into the ground, that careless, unpredictably stupid human beings did? If you don’t want to believe that there is something inherently wrong with the idea of marriage in the first place, then let’s at least discuss the fact that human being are gross, and weird, and shouldn’t be trusted with something as important as “forever.”

Take Ziona Chana, for example. Ziona is a 66-year-old man in India’s remote northeast who has 39 wives, 94 children and 33 grandchildren. According to Reuters, Ziona met his first wife when he was 17, and has continued to marry since then as a member of the “Chana” a Christian religious sect that allows polygamy. Ziona and his “family” live in a massive four story house, where they have separate rooms but share a common area. The mothers and daughters share the housework while the men take up the farming and livestock. Ziona proudly boasts that once he “married 10 wives in one year,” and that if the situation came around, he would marry and expand his family again.

I guess “right to the pursuit of happiness” and all that, but what does marriage really mean if you can do it ten times in a year? And sure this is in remote, rural India, not downtown Los Angeles, but the story still makes a point. If you’d like to believe that lifelong, contracted monogamy is attainable, then shouldn’t we leave it to more advanced species like say, penguins and wolves? Human beings are egotistical, unwilling to change, moody, arrogant liars by THEMSELVES, let alone after being put in a room with another one for 30 years. Plus, they apparently think it’s hilarious to make a mockery of marriage by participating in polygamy (Ziona Chana), getting married in Vegas and then annulling it 55 hours later (Britney Spears), marrying men 40 years their senior to make money (Anna Nicole Smith), etc, etc, etc.

Next time you think about marriage, ask yourself how many times you’ve done something you shouldn’t have and then responded with, ‘hey, I’m only human.’ You wouldn’t be wrong in saying that – you are just human… fallible and strange and being held together by 1.5mm of skin, so why would you put yourself in a position that basically requires BY LAW an inhuman amount of self-control and patience?

What do you think? Should humans accept that they aren’t perfect and stop committing themselves to a lifetime to one person? Or should we still “practice” marriage? (Hint: the first one is right)