TOO… MANY… JOKES. CAN NOT… PICK.

The DOMAINfest Global Conference hosted by the Playboy Mansion on February 3rd has caused some rather… unfortunate yields this week, as an outbreak of the disease legionellosis has officially sickened 170 attendees. The disease, which is known for “symptoms mostly consisting of fever, chills, general discomfort (malaise) and some cough,” is generally an airborne illness, which leads many in the Public Health department to believe that it was spread by the mansion’s fog machines.

According to the CDC, legionellosis is caused by a bacterium that “grows in warm water and can take root in hot tubs or parts of air-conditioning systems,” so, AWESOME. If you ever plan on going to the Playboy Mansion, you not only have to avoid contracting the clap, genital warts, a UTI, and of course HIV, but you also have to wonder if the AIR ITSELF is safe?

I think we should all go ahead and make a pact that none of us are going to go to the Mansion anymore. I mean, sure, there are some of the hottest women on the face of the planet parading around wearing nothing but paint, and yes, it’s an experience that you could rub in all your friends faces, but even if you entered those magnificent front doors and made a pledge not to even TOUCH anyone, you could STILL end up needing a shot of penicillin in the butt.

Playboy Mansion, it’s been fun. But, like smallpox and disco and the late 90s, I think it’s time for you to end.