Yep. You heard me. I’m calling this one early. I know its only two weeks into 2011, but barring some world-record breaking heroine binge, ain’t no celebrities coming even remotely CLOSE to the type of bender that Mr. Charlie Sheen has been on since New Years.

According to reports, he still hasn’t come home from partying in Vegas since this past weekend despite his 10pm call time for Two and a Half Men last night. TMZ has stated that he’s been holed up in his Palms penthouse for the past few days with a PLETHORA of porn stars, including Bree Olsen (you’ll remember her as the winner of “Best Anal Scene” at the 2008 AVN awards. Right? You remember that? I know you do.), and noneother than Michelle “Walking Billboard for Birth Control and/or Bombshell” McGee, Jesse James’ alleged mistress.

The bender coincides with this weekend’s Adult Entertainment Expo and Adult Video News awards, which, if anything, proves Charlie sheen has some PHENOMENAL timing. “Hmm, I wonder when I should take my unimaginably rich and famous self to Vegas? OH HMM, I DON’T KNOW, maybe when there are literally thousands of perfect-bodied women who have sex for money are in town? WELL I GUESS IF I HAVE TO.”

Let’s be honest, though, trainwreck though he may be, I highly doubt that any of you dudes would turn down his situation if given an opportunity. Porn stars, Vegas, booze, penthouse? Yeah, I think we’d all be okay with that.

Congrats, Charlie, on winning BCU’s first annual “Trainwreck of the Year” award. You earned it, buddy.