I’ve never really been one to make New Years Resolutions. Not that I’ve never had massive life adjustments that needed to be made, but hey, who has ever kept a New Years Resolution in their life, right? Right? Don’t answer that.

Anyway, we at BCU figured that in such dire times (economic crisis, war, Wikileaks, ocean made of oil, Snooki), perhaps this is the year to take a look at our lives and make the changes that need to be made to ensure that we spend the coming apocalyptic decade at least pleased with our own decisions, even as we run from zombies and mutant dolphins. So every day until NYE, we will give you some new DECADE’s resolutions to consider adding to your own list. Got any ideas? Share them in the comments!

1) HIT THE GYM.

As I stated previously, the coming decade will likely be spent in a terrified scramble for life, raiding grocery stores for Twinkies and trying to escape new species of sharks with legs. So January first, make a pact with yourself that you will hit the gym at least 3 to 4 days a week, so you have a better chance of outrunning the fatties. If you get bored with the death-colored walls inside your local 24-hour Fitness, pick up a new outdoor healthy habit like rock climbing or bike riding, because those are two skills that will come in handy once cats take over the earth.

2) START EATING RIGHT.

I know, I know. Hit the gym? Eat right? What is this, the most generic NYE resolution list of all time? Yes, partially, but also remember that this is a new DECADE resolution list, and also a pre-apocalyptic meltdown list. Changing your eating habits will be necessary to ensure your survival into the New World, assuming that ever comes to be. McDonalds and Chipotle will no longer be available (don’t cry, it’s going to be okay, I promise sort of), and you will have to learn to make your own food. We suggest trying a “Paleo diet” which basically mimics the way humans ate before the age of agriculture. Don’t worry, you can still eat meats and grains, but vegetables consist of much of the diet, and you’ll have to make due without your usual dose of potato chips and pizza, so… sorry about that. Luckily, this diet will provide you with the energy and good fats you’ll need to escape being eaten by the half-man/half-bears/half-pigs that South Park predicted years ago.

3) GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH OLD FRIENDS.

You know how in most zombie movies, every time the lead character finally runs into another group of humans they are terrified and threaten to shoot him because they think he’s a zombie and don’t trust him? By reforming relationships with old friends (hey, that’s what Facebook is for right?), you will get the chance to reminisce about old times, enjoy each others company, and also improve your chances of not getting your head blown off once the zombie-madness sets in. Traveling in larger packs is also a safety precaution during the apocalypse, so you’ll need all the friends you can get: even that chubby kid from 9th grade bio… at least you know he’ll be the first to go!

Check back tomorrow for New Decade’s Resolutions part 2!