dilligaf-rants.blogspot.com

I’m sorry, let me rephrase that. A FORTY-SEVEN YEAR OLD man castrates his SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD daughter’s FIFTY-SEVEN YEAR OLD boyfriend.

So many different types of sevens that shouldn’t be in the same sentence together, but it’s true: In Germany (of course Germany) recently, Helmut Seifert received an anonymous phone call that his teen daughter was dating a man forty years her senior (and ten years his senior). He alerted the police, who informed him there was nothing they could do. So instead of calmly attaching a chastity belt/house-arrest alarm to his little floozy offspring like my dad would’ve done, he promptly enlisted the help of two friends, who went with him to the boyfriend’s house, pinned him down, and while he was still conscious, CUT HIS BALLS OFF, I AM NOT KIDDING, CUT HIS BALLS OFF.

Now of course, there is something to say for crimes of passion. The man’s response in court (“You said you couldn’t stop him – so I did. I saw it as my duty as a father.”) was proof of exactly that, but we must realize that it is the year 2010 and we are (technically) no longer barbarians and (unfortunately) have a moral responsibility not to enact any sort of “cruel or unusual” punishment upon those who commit crimes against us, no matter how much we think they deserve it. Because of this, Helmut is facing charges of attempted murder. But we have to give the guy credit… surely dads across the nation are giving silent fist bumps to their fellow father overseas. The best detail of the story is that Helmut took the balls with him, I imagine as a trophy (or as a warning sign to others).

Oh and to Phillip Genscher, the 57-year-old in question: sorry ’bout your balls, perv.

Telegraph.co.uk