Tommy Lee and his infamous ex-wife Pamela Anderson are both pretty die-hard advocates for the animal rights group PETA, so it wasn’t surprising to find out that he was pushing for the release of Tilikum, an orca whale that has killed three people in his time at Sea World. He expressed his disgust at the company for keeping Tilikum in confinement in an eloquent letter to the president of Sea World, claiming they kept him in captivity only as a “sperm bank,” as he is one of the only male orcas in the aquarium. It was really quite compelling, at least until the third sentence, when he starts describing the method used to produce the sperm from Tilikum, which includes trainers “jacking him off” with a “cow’s vagina filled with hot water.”

First of all, is “water mammals  jerking it” some sort of viral trend that I failed to notice? Because this is the second time in the last three weeks where I’ve had to think about and picture a large, bulbous creature watching porn and stroking their slimy business (third if you include the unlocked bathroom door incident in Phoenix last weekend). And secondly, PAPYRUS FONT, TOMMY LEE? REALLY?