Reason #456,209 to stay single: your wife might just be marrying you to get a free nose/boob/chin/armpit job.

img@ nydailynews

Yes, that’s right, the always-classy E! Channel’s monstrosity of a reality show, “Bridalplasty,” is finally here. The show’s premise is simple (and yet almost alarmingly repulsive): soon-to-be brides compete in various stunts like writing vows and planning honeymoons, and each week a winner is chosen who then receives a free plastic surgery of her choice, to be revealed on the next episode.

As the show goes on, more and more ladies are eliminated until only one is left, who is given her dream wedding, and the opportunity to reveal her new look to her husband and family. Because there is nothing a husband wants more than to marry a silicone-filled, balloon animal-version of his fiancee, AMIRITE?

Um. Okay. America, real quick. Sit down for a second. Let’s chat.

STOP F*CKING DOING THIS TO PEOPLE, PLEASE.

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