You can always count on Radar Online to really delve deep and find the hard hitting stories, like whether or not people have sex tapes or if Ashton is cheating on his grandma Demi Moore, and now, contrary to every other gossip site, they’re saying that the classy lady cops found in the bathroom during Charlie Sheen’s naked booze-fueled hotel party actually WAS a paid escort that Charlie offered to pay $12,000.

According to the source, after the drug and alcohol binge the two went on, “she never got paid because Charlie flipped out. She was furious and now she’s doing everything she can to make money off that night.” Including but not limited to speaking against him for breaking his parole.

So what have we learned from this string of quality news breaks today, kids? That soliciting a prostitute is wrong? That being a multi-millionaire TV and movie star can get you out of literally every single crime you ever commit? Or that people, in general, are the just the worst?

I’m gonna go with option C.