Hey Earth. How’re things? I know you were working through that whole oil spill or whatever… that going well? No? Well anyway – quick question:  Do you ever look at our man made things like Vajazzling and Real Housewives and KFC Double Downs and think, maybe you’re kind of over us? Like, maybe after taking over your planet for thousands of years and depleting it of its resources and being generally despicable to each other you’ve kinda  decided that you should probably evict us, because we’ve been kinda crummy unbelievably terrible tenants and we’ve been skipping out on the rent recently and you’ve had to call the cops for domestic abuse a bunch of times and to be honest your previous renters, those Dinosaurs guys, were super cool if not a little hipsterish, and maybe you should get them back? Do you ever think that? No?!! Okay well now you will because guess what — we’ve decided to start sh*tting glitter.

That’s right: creator Tobias Wong has produced an edible pill dipped in and filled with gold leaf for the über rich to take along with their Once a Days and baby foreskin supplements. Along with designer Ju$t Another Rich Kid, he created the pill so you can “increase your self-worth.”

I mean, fiscally it makes sense, because you know when you’re sitting with your financial adviser, he’s always like, “also, how much gold do you have?…hold on, I mean INSIDE YOUR BODY.” All the time, right? And then usually somewhere down at question 28 he’s like, “also, how much gold do you have?…WAIT, I MEAN IN YOUR FECES.”

Now, I can’t be sure if that happens or not because my financial adviser is actually a Magic 8 ball with a curly wig over it that I keep in my closet, but I feel like maybe buying FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLAR pills to make your POOP TURN GOLD might be a spit in the face to people who don’t even have poop to turn gold because they DON’T HAVE FOOD.

Just a thought.