I guess, if anything you have to appreciate the audacity and honesty of the hero in our next story.

Apparently bars and dating sites just weren’t cutting it for The Phone Book bachelor, because he ventured where no man has ever gone (or wanted to go) before: the disease-covered glass wall of a New York City phone booth. According to the NY Post, Malik Turner, sorter/bagger for UPS, has been on the prowl for a lady that fits his extremely precise standards for some time, to no avail (strange, I was sure every woman in Manhattan was a red headed Hispanic nympho who loved hockey, rollerblading, video games and foursomes. I mean if you can’t even fulfill those basic requirements how would you ever meet a guy, AMIRITE, LADIES?

Needless to say, someone from the Post found this gem and shared it with the world so men everywhere could know the specifications of the perfect woman for future reference. NO SHEMALES OR HOOKERS!