It’s good to know you can always count on some things, like the mail, and 7-11 being open, and Charlie Sheen being a sloppy drunken mess. According to reports, Charlie Sheen was hospitalized this morning after being found naked in a trashed hotel room in New York City.

Police said that Charlie was “highly intoxicated” and “unable to communicate in a rational manner,” which we’re pretty sure is par for the course for a guy who has been known to spend thousands of dollars on high-class escorts, overdosing on cocaine and allegedly threatened physical abuse to not one, but TWO wives. Reps for Charlie Sheen say the hospitalization is for an allergic reaction, but the last time I had an allergic reaction to something I didn’t strip naked and destroy a chandelier, JUST SAYING.

We wish Charlie all the luck as well as a high five for being so consistent.