Brett Favre is many things: a Minnesota Vikings quarterback, a 1990s era jeans spokesman, a person who doesn’t understand the meaning of the word “retirement.” And now we have another title to add to the list: a woefully unrequited sexter. That’s right, everyone! The rumored photos of the 97 year old quarterback’s junk that he allegedly sent to model Jenn Sterger have officially hit the net and BOY ARE THEY EMBARRASSING.

Hey ladies, you know how there is nothing sexier than the splayed out, sparsely haired inner thighs of a gentleman caller? Well guess what – BFavre made them even sexier by adding a limply flaccid penis and SOCKS to the mix! I know, you need to change your panties but HURRY UP AND COME BACK.

Once you’ve cleaned up, click here to check out the video from Deadspin, which features both the voicemails to Miss Sterger as well as the junk shots, but don’t say we didn’t warn you of its incontrovertible sexiness. Oh, and if you didn’t guess it’s totally NSFW unless you work in a place that analyzes elderly athletes and their ballsacks’ ingrown hairs.

Update: Brett’s response to this scandal has been, “I’m not getting into that. I’ve got my hands full with the Jets.” Hahahahahaha! It’s funny cause his hands aren’t full with his penis.

HAHAHAH!

(Because of his penis [it’s small! {not that small, but pretty small.}])