In recent Never-Saw-That-Coming news, the vuvuzela, the African horn-like instrument that tops the International List of Annoying Instruments (even above bagpipes!), is officially banned from European soccer matches. According to the UEFA, “In the specific context of South Africa, the vuvuzela adds a touch of local flavor and folklore, but UEFA feels that the instrument’s widespread use would not be appropriate in Europe, where a continuous loud background noise would be emphasized.” Okay, I get it, trying not to sound racist… They went on to say, “UEFA is of the view that the vuvuzelas would completely change the atmosphere, drowning supporter emotions and detracting from the experience of the game.”

Emotions? Experience? HA! Nice try, UEFA. I’m pretty sure most soccer fans are blacked out by the time they get to their seats. Your official statement should have been, “That s— is annoying and should be burned in a fire. The end.”