Apple’s September Announcement: A Prediction

BCU Apple, Apple announcement, Apple iPhone, I want one, iPad, iPod, Steve Jobs, tech stuff 0 Comments August 30, 2010

Apple’s next “unprecedented, life-changing, nothing-will-ever-be-the-same oh my god oh my god” product announcement is in two days, you guys, so we better stock up on canned goods and iTunes gift cards because our world is about to be turned upside down. As we know, the most recent Apple creations, the iPad and the iPhone 4, were both met with rave reviews (re: terrible, terrible reviews) so we should expect the next Steve Jobs masterpiece to be just as revolutionary, right?

Right?

Here is the official BCU prediction of Apple’s September Products announcement.

1) iPatch

Either a software fix for the iPhone 4’s proximity problems, or an eye-patch that you can watch movies on. We’re guessing it’s the latter, because a ridiculous thing that no one needs is more likely than an actual solution for an actual problem that actual people are experiencing.

2) iBeeper

Just like its 1980s inspiration, the iBeeper can only receive phone numbers and “beeper codes” like 143 (I love you), 911 (emergency), and 55378008 (boobless, hahahaha!). However, this one comes standard with an unchangeable indie band ringtone.

3) iCycle

The ultimate in hipster necessities, this fixed gear bike comes with over-sized headphones, separate attachments for your iPod, iPhone, iPad, and Macbook, as well as, of course, a cup holder specifically made to hold a PBR tall boy. It also has a solar panel charger that will charge your electronics as you ride and also a USB port (Just kidding! No USB port! That’d be crazy! Hahaha!).

4) MacBox

Looks like an Xbox and plays like an Xbox, except it costs double and also you can only play against other MacBoxes. Note: I am fully aware that that joke is outdated and overplayed. Shut your mouth, it’s Monday.

5) One of these 5 things that actually kinda sound sort of cool albeit completely unnecessary additions to the already superfluous line of Apple products. Also I’ll take them all, thank you very much.