Awww. Obviously Obvious News, I missed you! It’s been so long since we learned that Running with the Bulls is still dangerous. Luckily, Reuters is at it again, letting us know that subjecting yourself to ungodly heat for extended periods of time could, kill you.

The world sauna championships go down every year in Finland, where men compete to see who can withstand the longest amount of time  in temperatures upwards of 110 degrees. This year, the competition had gotten down to two finalists, when the judges realized that something was very wrong with Russian champ Vladimir Lazyzhenskiy [Sidenote: did you know Russia is on fire? It is.]. Fast forward to ten minutes later and they realized that he was, in fact, dead. So, pretty much boiling yourself from the inside out isn’t a good idea? Ugh. What has the world come to? It’s not like there are signs on saunas that are like, “hey, probz not a good idea to sit in here that long, y’know, cause of the heat and the steam and the heat.”

My question is, what do you win? It better be like, a hundred grand or something, because if it’s just a medal, that means you go home and are like, “Honey, guess what! I won at relaxing! Are you soooo proud?!”