As a server who has worked in the Gaslamp district for three summers now, I feel as though I have a bit of insight that could potentially help those Downtown industry-newbies who are about to experience the wrath of the 150,000 person convention this year.  If you’re reading this, and you have not yet mentally prepared for the freakish display of consumption that is about to rain like hellfire upon your soul this weekend, let me give you the rundown. Prepare, because here are 5 things you will see at Comic Con that you can not unsee.

1. Someone who won’t take off his mask to eat/drink/poop

These are generally adults with adult jobs and adult facial hair, and yet, as though it is Halloween of 1988, they refuse to take off their cosplay outfits when you bring their food. They would rather shove it up through the gap between the latex and their sweaty necks than for ONE MINUTE look like they aren’t really a Storm Trooper. News flash, bro: Storm Troopers didn’t wear dirty, spray-painted converse. I know your name is Todd. And also – how do you piss in that thing?

2. Gluttony

I know we all know the stereotype that nerds are fat. Let me tell you this from experience: not all nerds are fat but SWEET GOD they all eat like they are. You could have a 400 pound guy and a 12 year old girl and they will both consume ALARMING amounts of food in a shockingly quick period of time. Upside: the dishwashers of the Gaslamp thank you for pre-licking the plates clean. That was really sweet of you.

3. People who have never read comics

And the people who hate the people who have never read comics. Although Comic Con was originally a celebration of comic books and the people who love them, it’s transformed into a big pop-culture cluster-f*** of movies, television, and video games, and let’s just say the OG comic nerds are not pleased. Note: this disgust does not downplay their excitement about the influx of cleavage at the event.

4. Mountain Dew enhanced rage at your lack of Mountain Dew

Unlike my usual greeting at the restaurant, I am always tempted to start my welcome schpeal with a hearty, apologetic, “Hey! How are you?! Good? NoWeDon’tHaveMountainDew OH GOD OH GOD I’M SORRY” because despite the longstanding urban legend that Mountain Dew puts a dent in your sperm-count, the Comic Con crowd drinks it like it is the Elixer of Life. If you don’t carry it at your work (does anyone other than Taco Bell?!), prepare for the wrath of a geek coming down off an 8 hour WOW binge.

5. The most awesome weekend of the Industry year

I hope this post didn’t come off in any way like I’m not excited to work Comic Con this year. The people that come out for the convention are the nicest, most appreciative guests you’ll see all year. And let’s be honest — I’d rather serve a kid in Zelda gear than a guy in a bedazzled Affliction button-up ANY day.

See you there!