As you’d expect, the OBC staff loves a good booty call. In and out in half an hour and free to go on with your nightly business is generally our preferred method, but there are other fun types — morning hookups, cruise ship flings, and foreign country sexcapades are pretty high up there on the awesome list. However, booty calls aren’t always flowers and sunshine and orgasms, sometimes they are, well, how do we put this: F***ING TERRIBLE.

Here are BCU’s top 5 worst hookup moments.

5. The lights-on-realization

The darkness of a nightclub does something for peoples faces that not even a fashion photographer with makeup artist can do. Somehow, everyone just looks amazing in black light. It’s an untouched science, but we’re pretty sure it’s a proven fact. Unfortunately, after making out for two hours under the influence of vodka, the lights sometimes go on and your Mistake Alarm starts going off like crazy. People sometimes think this only applies to women, but guess what dudes, you aren’t that cute either.

4. The weird sex quirk

Hey, we can’t start judging people’s sex quirks. Some like hair pulling, some make weird noises, and hey, that’s totally fine. But if you’re mid hookup and realize the person your on top of is making a face like a lazy-eyed t-rex, it very well could ruin the experience.

3. The post-coital admission of lack of birth control

Women often complain about the tedious responsibility of birth control. And while we agree that guys should always be prepared, it’s never fun when seconds after release, that chick you just stuck it to admits she hasn’t popped the Pill in three weeks. GREAT.

2. The complete lack of motor control

Ladies will know more about this than guys, unfortunately: there are certain people who, in bed, decide that the best method of intercourse is to writhe on top of you a la Grand Mal seizure, and your stuck wondering if they’re okay or if you should call an ambulance. Noticing this in the midst of what you expected to be an awesome hook up, is, well, less than satisfactory.

1. When you realize this is NOT just a booty call

An experience like this spawned the booty call commandment: Thou shalt not ask “what are we”? Let it be known that there is no greater turn off than getting emotional after what was obviously very non-emotional sex. In other words, live the OBC lifestyle: you don’t have to promise marriage just to get a date!