Ah yes, the Fourth of July. A time for sun, barbeques, and the most American of sports: competitive hot-dog eating. In a time when people across the globe are suffering from poverty so staggering they are DYING from malnutrition, DYING, we Americans have an eating SPORT. And just like any sport, there is a shining beacon of awesome in competitive eating.

Takeru Kobayashi is an five-foot-eight eating machine. He held the title for Nathan’s hot dog eating contest for 6 years, and has won countless other awards for shoving more food down his throat than other competitors. He can eat over FIFTY hotdogs in 10 minutes.

Unfortunately, after 6 years a guy named Joey Chestnut (sounds like a douche) beat Kobayashi, and the sport hasn’t been the same since. And after his banning from the sport after a contract dispute a few days ago, we thought we’d seen the last of him. But NO, he showed up at the contest and forced his way on to the stage wearing a “Free Kobi” shirt. Unfortunately the cops didn’t share our love for tiny Asian men who shove hot dogs in their throats, because they arrested him and stuck him in jail.

Only in America.

Oh, also, in an interview while in jail, Kobayashi told reporters he had a sandwich and a glass of milk while being held. “I am very hungry,” he said. “I wish there were hot dogs in jail.”

Don’t we all, Kobi. Don’t we all.