In some sort of sadistic, twisted way, being on a Most Wanted list is kind of awesome. You probably consider yourself the ultimate bad ass- like maybe someday they’ll make a movie about you and Benicio Del Toro will play you and maybe even win an Oscar or something. What ruins those chances, though, is if your mug shot photo shows you, shirtless and tubby, with man boobs so “offensive” that they had to blur them out with a flesh colored censor bar, like one Mr. Eduardo Ibarra Perez, who murdered his wife and is still on the loose, but somehow less threatening looking than Barney the Dinosaur.

The only movie that’s ever gonna be made of Eduardo will probably be a straight to VHS tape starring Jack Black, as “The Dumpy Domestic Abuser.”