Let’s talk about your profile pic, gentlemen. We’ve discussed this before, but apparently my pep talk didn’t yet seep in. We’ve been going through the OBC profiles recently, and I’ve been noticing some trends that force me to make a face in disgust that not even a mother would love.

So, it’s time for take 2, in BCU Girl’s Lessons In Profile Pictures.

Alright, here we go.

Lesson one. Taking photos.

In case you were wondering, no, no it was never okay to take your profile picture in a bathroom. The lighting is terrible so you have to use a flash, which reflects on the mirror, hence making you look like a Neanderthal who doesn’t understand modern technology. Also, it’s embarrassing to think about you in the bathroom for an hour trying to get the perfect shot. Oh and also, YOU POOP IN THAT ROOM.

Lesson two. Your face.

Fix it. I’ve been scrolling through thousands and thousands of faces where you look like you want to punch me in the side of the head, and not in a sexual way. Looking at a photo where you’ve exuded the most frightening glare you can muster is the opposite of attractive. Smile, for goodness sake, SMILE!

Lesson three. Clothing.

Assuming you live on Earth, gravity generally tends to pull things down. So why do I keep seeing pictures of you pulling your shirt up? And don’t say it’s so I can check out your sweet abs. Because I don’t care, I really, really don’t. Put your shirt on like a normal human being.

Lesson four. Self timer.

Did you know your camera has a button that helps you take pictures of yourself? Crazy, I know. Read the instruction manual on your camera, because there has literally not been a camera made without a self timer since 1990. That way I don’t have to see your hairy arm in every shot.

Lesson five. Posing.

I understand you’re trying to show your most attractive side, but if that side is from 2 feet up so I can’t see your face, or hidden behind someone else, or shielded by sunglasses, I will assume you’re hiding something awful. And if you’re posing in your apartment hallways with your sparkliest button down shirt and leaning seductively against the way, I will just be plain grossed out.