You know how sometime you open the cupboard and are super excited to open that bag of Lays from yesterdays barbeque and chow down on some crispy, greasy deliciousness, but then you open the bag and instead take a huge chomp of stale zombie potato skins? It’s terrible. Well, sometimes, in a long term relationship, the “potato chips” of your relationship begin to stale, and though you remember them tasting good, now they’re just miserable. But instead of just throwing the bag away, you put it back in the cupboard, as though they might be better next time.

Alright, that is quite possibly the worst metaphor for “taking a break” that I’ve ever used. Let’s start over.

Sometimes in a relationship a couple who have been together a long time and have a lot invested in each other will decide that because things have gotten a little boring (a little stale, if you will?), they should “take a break” instead of breaking up altogether. However, does this tactic really work?

No. NO. No no no.

The staff here at BCU is staunchly anti-break, so here are some metaphors to help you understand what a terrible idea “taking a break” really is.

1) Taking a break is like relationship purgatory.

It’s not heaven (being all happy and in love) and it’s not hell (breaking up completely), it’s just this weird Twilight Zone where you’re miserably waiting for the other person to make the next move.

2) Taking a break is like being on hold with the DMV.

You’ve been on the phone for an hour and know the entire elevator-music hold song by heart, but you’re terrified that the second you move your thumb to hit “end,” someone is going to pick up the phone.

3) Taking a break is like putting a band aid on a 3rd degree burn.

You might think you’re protecting it, but all it’s gonna do is sit there and collect dust and dirt on an injury that needs a much more drastic solution. Plus,  pulling that band aid off is going to hurt like a b-word when you finally get the courage to.

4) Taking a break is like being stuck in a Kit Kat bar commercial.

Not so much for the “break me off…” pun, but more for the sitting around pretending to sing a stupid song and enjoy a fake plastic candy bar that you’ve been holding onto in the sun for six hours.

5) Taking a break is like ordering a Big Mac combo, but you don’t get fries.

Sure you might enjoy the burger and the big Coke, but you’re sitting their wondering if you should start going to Wendy’s of Burger King, where you can get the full combo. Although McDonald’s has super tasty delicious fries and you’re really gonna miss them, decent fries are better than no fries at all.

Truth be told in straight talk: opting to “take a break” is just a less courageous way of saying “I don’t love you anymore.” Man up, break it off, and if you really were meant to be, you’ll find each other in the future. For now, enjoy the single life, and keep readin’ BCU.