TextsFromLastNight is a brilliant website that allows people to send in their drunk and/or hungover text messages for the world to marvel at. Not only are they funny, but they provide quite an ego-boost, knowing that even if you got pretty tipsy last night, you didn’t drink frog urine for 5 bucks. Considering the recent drunken holiday, I ventured over to see the showcase of best day-after-St. Patrick’s Day texts, and as I expected, was not disappointed. Here are some of the best:

(410): She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

This, if I know men like I think I do, is probably a dream come true. And I am quite intrigued by the concept of “Guinness Cupcakes”…

(717): dressing as green man for st patrick’s day = free drinks all night long

The BCU staff are die-hard It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia fans, so we could only wish that we’d seen Green Man at a local watering hole. If he was tripping out on acid (season 3, episode 2), well hey, even better.

(612): three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled “happy st. patrick’s day!”, downed Jagerbombs, and left.

Sure, this one doesn’t fit into the day-after category, but it’s still hilarious. As someone who had a massive midterm on St. Patrick’s Day, I can imagine the mixture of jealousy and urge-to-laugh that must have been felt by this poor soul.

(416): the bank didn’t screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night

We’ve all been there. Wake up the day after a crazy night and don’t even want to look at your bank statement because you probably spent half of your life savings on tequila shots and burritos. But this guy takes the cake, considering half the items on McDonald’s menu are under 3 bucks.

(212): yea, the bartender wouldn’t serve you because you kept asking for “a slice of beer”

This is the epitome of drunk. He knows he wants beer, but in the back of his head he also wants some pizza, so although he is still lucid enough to speak, his brain is combining his two desires into one. I submit that ordering a “slice of beer,” be the new measurement of black-out drunkenness! As in, “Dude, he was like, slice-of-beer drunk!”