Women are crafty. They are like sneaky little mongooses (mongeese?) who look sweet and adorable but in reality they EAT SNAKES. One of the craftiest skills of the woman is deception. While they might not consider it to be lying, per se, it definitely isn’t honest. Here are 5 of the most prominent lies women tell.

1. I’m not mad.

If she says she’s not mad, it should automatically be translated as she’s seriously freaking mad. The “I’m not mad” line is usually accompanied by raised eyebrows and pursed lips.

2. You’re the best I’ve ever had!

Nope. There is no need for any woman to ever have to say you’ve given them the best sex of their life. It should be wholly apparent throughout the act if it’s really The Best. She’s probably just saying this to make you feel good about the 45 seconds of writhing you did on top of her. In all honesty, the best she’s ever had was probably some one-nighter she had back in college.

3. I love sports.

The woman who loves sports doesn’t need to say it, she just shows it, by watching sports even when you’re not around or suggesting you go to games. If she has to tell you she likes sports, she’s probably the same girl who says, “Oh look! They made a touchdown!” at a baseball game.

4. I wouldn’t change a thing about you

There is at least one thing she would change about you. Probably two.

5. He’s just my friend

Here is the thing. Women can be friends with men. Men can’t be friends with women. This is a fact of nature, so if your girl’s got lunch dates with her “friend,” the truth is he’s probably imagining her naked the whole time.