There are tons of reasons why guys stay with their girlfriends even when they’re… well, you know. A little uptight, a tad wound up, kinda high-maintenance… ok fine- a B*TCH. Usually it has something to do with the regular sex, but sometimes even when that’s taken away, guys stick around, probably because their GF has used some undetectable whore-magic to make them feel inferior.

If you stumbled across this page because you’re on your last string of independence and think it might be time to break up, here are the top 5 reasons you should break up with her!

1. She withholds sex

You forgot to take the trash out, she wants some fancy necklace, you two are arguing over proper laundry folding methods- if your lady is withholding sex or using it as a weapon, it’s time to get out. Before you bail though, ask yourself if she’s avoiding sex cause you usually writhe on top of her like an epileptic dolphin.

2. She makes fun of you

A little teasing here and there never hurt anyone. Especially if you start sporting a visor or dropping some 90s jargon into your vernacular, you kinda deserve it. But if she’s constantly making fun of you, in front of your friends, her friends, or in public, you need to drop her like a bad habit. But not before you publicly state that she’s got a Care Bear fetish.

3. She expects more than she gives

Relationships are about selflessness and caring. If your chick got you a pair of jean shorts and acts all pissy when you hand her a dozen roses on your anniversary, it’s a big sign that you’re in for a long relationship of crazy expectations. Get out of there and take the roses with you.

4. She treats other people like crap

It’s a general rule that you can gauge a person’s kindness by how they treat service people. If she’s rude to servers, retail workers, or other people whose job is it to kiss your ass, you know you’ve got a grade-A jerk on your hands. Not only is it a turn off, but you can generally count on their being some bodily fluid in most everything you eat or drink at a restaurant. If you wanna avoid catching Hepatitis-B, dump her now.

5. She never pays

Although in the initial stages I think it’s appropriate for the guy to pay, I do think us ladies need to take initiative and show our guys we care by picking up the tab sometimes. And I don’t mean going halvsies, I mean picking up the whole bill, thus showing that you can carry your weight and are generous at the same time. All that blood and tears women shed trying to give her the opportunity to vote and get paid the same wages as men… if she can’t pick up the tab occasionally, it’s only fair you ask her what she’s doing out of the kitchen.