CollegeCandy recently posted their list of the top 10 things women never want to know about their boyfriends. The list was pretty standard, from their “number” to anything about their ex. While not 100% accurate, the article got me thinking… what are things you never want to hear from your booty call or friends-with-benefits? Keeping in mind that I am pretty much the ice queen of dating, take my list with a grain of salt, but for the most part, here are the top 5 things your booty call (or friend-with-benefits) never wants to know.

1. Who you slept with last week/yesterday/16 minutes ago

I get that we’re not exclusive. In fact, I revel in that fact because I never have to get dolled up, or remember your birthday (it’s between February and September, right?), or have to keep promises about anything but a time and place. But come on dude, there is no need to chat about Amy or Diana or What’s-her-name-with-the-piercing. Thinking about you dipping your pen in someone else’s ink just makes me feel like a floozy. Save that for your buddies.

2. Your insecurities or feelings

We’ve all got them, and if Freud is right they all stem from our mothers, which are another thing I don’t want to hear about. This is a fun, casual, mainly physical relationship, and the second you mention that you’ve been “kinda depressed recently,” I will magically create a very important meeting that I’m totally late for.

3. That you’re interested in me

This is somewhat of a Catch-22, as we are pretty dang close, what with the sexing and nakedness and all. However, I’d rather you not ask what my dreams for the future are, or anything about my family or childhood. That will only lead to you to ask, “so, how’d your brother’s SAT’s go?” the next time we hook up, and that is a big no-no.

4. That you’re “Sorry”

Don’t apologize for calling at 1 AM, or for skipping out early. It makes me think that you think I’m being used, or taken advantage of or something. We’re both adults here and I could easily call it quits whenever I want, so stop coming off as condescending and take your pants off.

5. You want to hang out again

Alright, Buster Brown. Let’s break down the basis of this “relationship” again. This works because it is unplanned, spontaneous, non-committal, and exciting. By asking when we can hang out again, you’re implying that you don’t have anything else (or anyone else) to do except hang out with me. Goodbye mystery, hello monotony. No thank you.