In the year of our Lord 2023, no one should be afraid of therapy. Everyone is “seeing someone” and talking about their feelings and trauma and past hurts and it’s benefiting the world! However, lots of folks would still be hesitant to see a sex therapist – thinking it means something was “wrong” with their sex life.

Luckily, over at Reddit, a bunch of sex therapists are generously sharing their best advice – and we think just about EVERYONE can benefit.

“For couples with mismatched sex drives (which is the majority of couples), ask yourself whether or not when you really get things going, you enjoy having sex. If the answer is yes, remind yourself of that when your partner makes advances. In a lot of cases, you will find that you don’t want to start having sex — not that you don’t want to be having sex.”
—u/lifthanded

“…A lot of future issues can be spared if you take the time to communicate your expectations of one another. This is especially true (and hardest to do) regarding sex. Having expectations doesn’t make you selfish or needy — it makes you a person. Sex is a big part of a relationship, and acknowledging its importance doesn’t make you shallow.”

—u/DorothyGaleEsq

“Feeling sexy comes from leaning into ‘being sexy,’ so scheduled sex today can lead to delightfully spontaneous sex tomorrow… Schedule a date to go do something together, agree to a time to have sex, and things usually get better.”
—u/Keohane

“If you feel satisfied during sex, there’s nothing wrong with your sex life. Two minutes, 30 minutes — whatever works best for you. We’re talking averages (also timing yourself) — I used to swear it was 15–20 minutes. But the actual time? Eight to nine minutes. Sex can distort your perception of time.”
—u/PBRidesAgain

“Sex is just as mental as it is physical. Be in a good mood with no stress in the back of your mind, have a healthy meal, and focus on arousing thoughts and imagery (consistently) hours before sex (or even longer). This will make your sex life better, whether it’s a relationship or a hookup.”