The Super Bowl is two weeks away. It’s time to start figuring out how you’re gonna spend it. Will you go to a bar? Will you go to a friend’s house? Or will you, against better judgment, throw a party yourself? If you do, there are some ways to make it awesome while also making it less of a headache.

1. Do NOT try and be fancy.

This is a football party, not a gala. Stow the fancy cocktails and gourmet dishes for another time because not only will it get expensive, but your friends will look down upon you in shame. There should be three essential factors for Super Bowl consumption: fatty, spicy, and alcoholic. Chips, dips, pizza, wings, hot dogs, and chili should be the main dishes for this event. Not only will these foods be delicious, but they’re cheap, and they’ll soak up the massive quantity of booze you’ll consume. Which brings us to beer:

2. There is no shame in BYOB.

Mind you, there should be some beer in your fridge, lest you be considered a pansy. However, if you are providing a plethora of greasy dishes, your friends can man up and bring a case of beer! Bust out your biggest cooler and fill it with ice, and as people come, have them dump their beer in, like a communal pool of drunkenness. That way you don’t have to deal with the embarrassing end-of-the-night money collection. While we’re talking about it- stick to beer. Not only will you be glad that no one is black-out drunk before half-time, but clean up will be a whole lot easier.

3. Chairs, for god’s sake! Chairs!

Are you one of those people who has one armchair in their living room and literally no other sitting surfaces? Then do NOT throw a party. We are not in kindergarten, this is not story time, people should not be forced to sit on the floor. In a dire situation, beach/lawn chairs will do. Expect to be ridiculed.

4. Nix the decorations

Assuming your team is not playing (and I will assume that, because the Chargers aren’t), there is no need for streamers or football-shaped lanterns or a multi colored “Happy Super Bowl!” sign on your door. Exception: football shaped bowls (see above photo). On the other hand, if your team is playing, feel free to get 5th grade birthday party all over that living room.

5. Be aware of your guests

And no, I don’t mean that like, “be a gracious host, blah blah blah,” I mean that like, do NOT invite some annoying person who doesn’t care about the game, talks during the commercials  (they’re the best of the year!), or walks in front of the TV during key plays. This person (and I can say this as a woman)  is usually a chick. People will be SUPER pissed if you invite her. So unless you’re trying to sleep with her, just say NO.