Monday mornings are tough, but what could spark your interest more than learning there is a way to make your manhood feel a little more… er, manly?

Via VICE:

Could you actually—technically—increase the size of your penis without surgery? 

As Woman’s Health reported, “two urological researchers from the University of Turin in Italy set out to review the existing literature on low-risk penis-enhancement procedures and found that a method called ‘traction,’ in which men wear a penile extender to stretch their manhood, produced an average growth of 1.5 to 2.5 centimeters (.59 to .98 inches).” The catch? You have to do it for hours a day, and months at a time, and, oh yeah, it’s a dangerous path to penile injury and erectile dysfunction. There’s another dangerous technique called “jelqing,” a.k.a. stretching the penis gradually, every day, that some dudes swear by. “Length is limited by ligaments, which can be slowly stretched over time, like earlobe gauges,” explains one Reddit user, “It has taken me 1,200 hour hours [sic] over 16 months at 20 hours a week, to gain 1.75 inches.” At the end of the day, jelqing is also hated by Science and Doctor Folk. So, just, please—don’t make destroying your penis your part-time job. 

I mean, almost two inches is nothing to scoff at, but 1200 hours of stretching your junk?? JEEZ.

We recommend skipping the taffy pulling and going with one of these toys that VICE has found can help your junk feel a little junkier.