Too much hotness in one day is proven to have adverse effects on the psyche, so we will now graciously gift you with the creeps of 2009 who made us question our faith in mankind.

5) Jeff Dunham

How is it that this guy got his own show? Who in the world thinks a ventriloquist, making a stuffed skeleton talk about his non-existent genitals, in a German accent, is funny? Who!? I’ll tell you who: not enough people to keep the show from getting cancelled immediately. Take that, dummy (pun intended).

4)  Jon Gosselin

Even if we could pretend he wasn’t a terrible parent who can’t spell or dress himself properly, we can not get past his flagrant, disgusting need for media attention. Remember Spencer Pratt, from 2008? Jon Gosselin makes him look like a freakin’ hermit.

3) That ShamWow Guy

Is it wrong of me not to care enough to actually look up his name? Nah, I didn’t think so. Anyway, after a drug-fueled altercation with a prostitute, Mr. Wow, best known for his excitement over a dishrag, was arrested for assault. The police realized later that he had his tongue bit almost clean-off, which leads to the question: Who is the world kisses a prostitute?

2) Richard Heene

You probably know his son better than him- known as the Balloon Boy, Falcon Heene was thought to have floated over the Earth in a makeshift weather-balloon for a whole day before it was discovered that the whole thing was a publicity ploy thought up by his father. Congratulations, Mr. Heene, you’ve narrowly beat out Mr. Gosselin for Worst Father of the Century!

1) Chris Brown

Punched. A Girl. In the Face. Case closed.

Check out other 2009 Creeps of the Year at VideoGum