Once you read ‘Sasha Grey’ in the title of this post, you probably instinctively pulled your pants down, opened an incognito window, and prepared for release, but sadly, you most likely won’t be jerking it to this Machinima video, titled Creepy Text Theatre, in which she and a male partner read some of the lamest, most awful, shockingly tactless texts from dudes.

Hey guys, if you’ve ever met a chick, let’s say you met her on OBC, the world’s #1 casual dating site, and you were chatting and thought HEY, I’M JUST GONNA STRAIGHT UP ASK HER IF SHE WANTS TO SEE MY DICK, maybe put the phone down, take a step back, hop in a cold shower, have a conversation with your mom, and then get back to the texting with a clear head, because text like that have like, a 90% fail rate.

Oh, and if a girl is responding “NO” to every single one of your sexual texts, probably delete her number and call it a day. You are a creep, period.

Check out the video below and take some notes boys. Neither Sasha Grey NOR the girl you met while browsing for local singles in your city on OBC wants that sh*t.