Are you in need of a little afternoon delight but are either a) too busy or b) too disgusting to find yourself a booty call? Yes? Ok, second question. Are you really horny, completely and utterly alone AND too broke to buy yourself either a Farrah Abraham sex toy or iPad compatible fleshlight? Well, you’re in luck. The folks over at BroBible (via Gawker) got a hold of a video tutorial on how to DIY your very own masturbatory tool, using nothing but sock, latex gloves, a blanket, and a belt – all things that most creepy men have in their homes!

Check out the (terrifyingly silent) instructional vid below, you pervert.

I do take issue with BroBible’s assumption that it “perfectly replicates” a woman’s “box and butt,” mainly because no ass I’ve ever seen has been made of FLEECE. Plus – what are the odds that you have a skin-colored blanket lying around? The only one I can find is Darkwing Duck-themed and that would make this experiment a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE.