Good morning, sunshines! How was your weekend? Did you get some? Meet a new potential booty call? Perhaps by creatively calling it a “friend with benefits” to make it less dirty?

NO?! OH COME ON, GUYS. Maybe you’re doing something wrong in between the sheets. Maybe you need some tips from a man who really knows how to work the flesh (of a well-marbled ribeye) and get the ladies’s jucies flowing (from a roasted turkey) while kneading a firm breast (the turkey’s, of course).

Everyone say hello to Chef Gordon Ramsey, SEX-pert:

Via Uproxx